I want the Unicorn dammit

As a woman, I want so many things in life. I want the best for my son, I want to have a career that will have longevity and where I can make a difference (I already have this part), I want to be financially secure, and I want to be loved by a man who has care for me and has my best interests at heart just as much as I have his. Basically, in the case of the last part, I want the damn unicorn.

Personally, I don't think they exist. I've been in far to many relationships, and have been burned so far down to my core that all that's left is scar tissue. I finally am beginning to blossom, and have confidence, and for the most part I have accepted who I am and what I'm about. HOWEVER, I know from experience that no matter how many times I reassure a guy that just because I enjoy certain things, it doesn't mean I love him any less if he's not into it. If I truly love someone, I can set aside some things I enjoy for the betterment of our relationship. You would think that a man would accept that and move the fuck on. In reality, men get really insecure and it makes a relationship that much harder.

I am 46 years old, I DO NOT play games. If I am on a date, I state what it is that I am about and what it is I am looking for. I don't like to waste anyone's time and I certainly don't like to have my time wasted. I always thought that honesty and being open about things was a good thing, but it turns out that men either are excited that I'm being so upfront, or they run like gazelles being chased by a leopard. It's frustrating, because I don't know how to be any different. I've tried being coy, I've tried playing hard to get, I've even tried deflecting conversations back to the guy so the focus is on him. I HATED it. It feels like lying to me, and I don't like that feeling. 

Just once, and yeah as a sub this really isn't going to work, but as a woman it's what I want. Just once, I would like to meet a man who isn't scared by a woman who says what she wants. I would like to meet a man who understands my needs in some ways, and isn't afraid to discuss them. I would like to meet a man who isn't afraid to love openly and unabashedly. A man who wants nothing more than to kiss me, and I mean kiss me like it's the last time he's ever going to kiss me. The kind of kiss that makes me go weak in the knees and melt into the floor. The kind of kiss that gives just a hint of a promise of what's to come. I want a man who can look into my eyes and really see me. I want a man who wants a relationship based on trust, communication, lust AND love. I want it ALL, but yet I feel I am no closer to that than I was before.That, for me, is the elusive Unicorn.

So, while I don't believe that Unicorns exist, I'm still going to keep one eye out for him