Saturday....the drop continues

Saturday August 27, 2016

Dear Diary,

Yesterday, I woke up and I am feeling depressed, and still overstimulated. If I could have walked around naked I would have because clothing was even too much for my body. I talked to Y, and he gave me some orders, which sent me into a burst of tears. Crying is not something I enjoy doing. Yes, I cry during movies or if a song that touches my soul comes on, but I do not like showing that side of myself to people. I feel weak and vulnerable, and I do NOT like letting people know that. I would rather be that tough girl and show no emotion, than to lower my guard and be hurt.

For the rest of the day, I was fluctuating between bursts of crying and feeling down. So, I did what I normally do when I feel like this, I took my mom out for karaoke with me. Singing, for me, is like a balm that soothes my soul. It heals me, and I know I have a decent voice. It's the one thing I am confident in. It's something that I love, and when I am at my lowest, when I feel like I am never going to be okay, a song will come on that makes it better.

So, we went to a sports bar and ordered food and waited for Karaoke to start. My friends L, D, and T (I am not going to post full names) came and hung out with my mom and I. It really raised my spirits and while I still felt a little shaky and vulnerable, I knew I was over the hump.

I dropped my mom off, texted Y, as he asked, and let him know that I was home and going to sleep.

Tonight was exactly what I needed. It was a night where I didn't stress, and I was that happy person I was before the party.